Fulfillment.

Dear Heather,

Well here we are a month into the new year and ending my 30 day challenge. I can confidently say that I accomplished more in the last 30 days than I did all of 2012. Taking time for personal growth should be a necessity. A requirement. A prerequisite for a fulfilling life.

January mission: accomplished. And moving on.

For February, I am participating in a 28-day love yourself challenge through Facebook being put on by a very dear person to me. She also happens to be a counselor! Find details on my Facebook page, and in the mean time, I plan to document and reflect here like I did for January. Accountability has proven to be the key to all of my personal successes.
This works for me, so I'll continue.

This time around I'm committing to journaling this project on paper, and I'll post my own thoughts here about my progress. The end result is for me to be able to love myself and commit to exploring that love for my own self like I can do with other relationships.

Besides, if I don't understand love for myself, how can I love anyone else wholly?

Love, in time...

Heather

Callings....

Dear Heather,

Momma said there'd be days like this. She just failed to say how hard they would be.

I'm never one to publicly display my feelings or my personal issues but in keeping them inside....well you know....

Everyone knows that motherhood isn't glorious and always rewarding but isn't is supposed to be? Isn't it supposed to be the most precious of callings for women to uphold? Sure, there will be challenges, speed bumps, bickering, tattling, and all that but in my house....well that's all there is to it. And quite frankly, I'm PISSED OFF and tired!!!

Motherhood comes with no handbook. There's no rules and no troubleshooting guide and there's tons of support from other mothers who all have their own advice and their own share of problems but in my situation, I have NEVER FELT SO ALONE.

I have a great support system and great friends and family but still, no one gets it. Have you ever gone to a doctor with a concern and have them just disregard your feelings and treat you like a nut? And then you honestly feel like you really did overreact? Well that's me. But I'm not overreacting. No one gets it. They just won't. And they can't because its a situation impossible to understand.

I feel so backed against a wall. Trying to do the right thing. Trying to change EVERYTHING. Trying to insert positives to every negative thrown. Saying no. Teaching, listening, loving, forgiving, holding. No grudges. No excuses. Coping skill after coping skill. Being patient. Rearranging my life. Re-living my life. Depending on God. Thanking God. And being tested EVERY SINGLE DAY by God. I'm at a crossroads. And it's filled with fury and tears.

I take so much pride in my strength and because I've been tested so many other times in my life I'm usually good at overcoming challenges. Not this time. And it's only going to get worse. And I'm not being negative, I'm being realistic.

I'm falling into a temporary depression that is going last for this one day only. Tomorrow I will awaken, renewed and refreshed and my happy self again. I'm worried only about one thing:

How much more must one be tested before the depression moves in, takes over, and I lose myself again? I can't, and refuse to do this everyday. And I also refuse to ignore the situation.

There's got to be a lesson in here somewhere. I hope I find it soon.

Love,
Heather

O Blah Di, O Blah Dah.....

Dear Heather,

Progress is AMAZING!! Life is revved up and rolling strong and so am I!! This 30 day challenge is phenomenal and I highly recommend that anyone looking for self-improvement or a new start to take part in it. I know I've posted it before, but it can be found at www.marcandangel.com

. If you know how to look up their many blog posts on their page then you'll find the 30 challenges for personal growth in there somewhere. I just can't believe how much easier life seems to be when you stop and smell the roses. Just stop, breath, and stop overreacting! Seriously, I CANNOT recommend this enough.

I have a problem releasing control on a lot of things in my life, and also of blowing up over the simplest of things. I have still not raised my voice, started taking control of the RIGHT things, and have really listened to life as its passing by. The sun has never been more beautiful, the children never more precious, and my soul never more wholesome. I am preventing myself from going back to their site more frequently just out of fear that I will take on more than I can chew. I am hardcore, without a doubt, following through with this one. What do I have to lose??

I'd really like to see someone else's progress in their experiences with this challenges. My life goes on attitude has seriously affected EVERYTHING in my life in the most positive ways. Ok, Ok...I'm off the bragging box....

So I had the upmost clarity in church today. My new stop, breath and listen technique really proved itself with the message being about living for the now and not in the past. Total clarity with what I'm doing, and the proof that it is right. Right for me, right now.

Guys, in the last 13 days I've made some serious changes in my life that I never thought I'd do. In THIRTEEN days. I can't wait to finish this challenge and begin another. Keep on keepin' on.....

Love,
Heather

Reflection

Dear Heather,

I notice now that really making the time everyday to reflect on my progress has been more difficult than I thought but I have done it. Haven't missed a day. And since I don't blog every single day, here's what you've missed.

We're running a week strong with no voices leveled above a talk and things are going smoothly. It's kinda been like giving up sugar.....bittersweet but easier every day. This week has been chaotic since the changing of women's lives seems to pick up around the New Year....imagine that!! :) I'm mentally running myself into the ground by day, and reflecting at night renews my spirit and really provides the push that keeps me going. I can't help but wonder what the world would be like if we all did this.

I have taken on a new challenge too. I'm going to work on my anything-but-mad skills in archery. It's something I've always sucked at but after practicing with Kyla's new bow this week I'm confident that I'm ready to buy my own (someone shake that money tree my way please?) and get to practicing. I find myself having to totally stop and depend on my senses and fall into a place of peace and clarity on every single shot. Why am I just doing this now!?! Better late than never I guess.

I have really enjoyed my journey thus far and can feel myself changing into a stronger mind and body as I continue to push forward. I can't wait to see what's on the docket next....

Love,
Heather

Lesson after lesson....

Dear Heather,

Wow this week sure has been a doozy!! I was on television, had that grown up epiphany that my dad really isn't as stupid as I used to think he was, followed my 30 challenges as best as I could and even found some peace in my home again.

Number 7 on my list of challenges is being nice to someone even if they are rude to me. If you know anything about my challenges with my son then you know this is indeed a somewhat difficult task around my house on most days. With my back against a wall, I went to my dad for advice on parenting. It was a wonderful talk where I realized things about about myself and more importantly fresh ideas on how to manage an otherwise unmanageable kid. I implemented his advice and I found myself in a state of simplicity, right where I was looking to be; I almost effortlessly haven't raised my voice in three days. Man, is it really gonna be this easy?

Under the advice from my good ole Pa I've reached a level of self respect and self awareness I thought I had already achieved. After being on television I was awaken by how many lives I had already touched and I motivated complete strangers to change their lives. And today I paid for the person's order behind me in line at McDonalds with my kids in the car. Sadly, they were ASTONISHED. Again, this was all very simple. And boy am I blessed!!! The God sightings around me are unbelievable!!

Moving into next week I will not lose momentum. As I proceed I challenge you to a few interesting things. This weekend, try to pay attention and enjoy your life as it happens. Try something new, and concentrate on being positive at all times. You can do this. We can do this.

Good luck, and God bless!

Love,
Heather

30 days....

In the first 30 days of the new year I am on a mission to complete a challenge called 30 challenges for 30 days of growth.  These challenges are simple, some harder than others, but are designed to project the simplification back into my life. My resolution is just that...simple.  I have conquered 2012 and am geared up for a simplified 2013.  Some of the challenges include using words that encourage happiness, performing one selfless act everyday, to facing your fears daily and spending time on daily reflection.  I am super excited about this, especially today. 

Today I had the opportunity to spread my expertise and my personal journey because I fulfilled my 2012 resolution of finishing what I started.  I had the honor of being interviewed by KBMT 12 news reporter Vanessa Holmes for a spot on the evening news about keeping my resolutions. Let me tell you....I have never been so scared, apprehensive and comfortable at the same time.  I faced that fear and put my fear of judgment aside because the reward is great; I was given an outlet to publicly claim my ability to change lives based upon my own personal experience and my professional training combined. 

So on day one of my 30 day challenge I faced a fear, tried something new, dedicated an hour to something I'm passionate about, treated everyone nicely, and enjoyed my life as it was happening.  I'm not thrilled about seeing myself in a vulnerable place (especially in a weight loss segment with an added 10 pounds of camera weight!!) but I will watch it and hopefully it will get to those women that are seeking help, guidance and a friend as they begin their journey's into 2013. 

Have a safe and happy new year everyone! Here's to 2013!
and watch KMBT 12 news at 10!! :)

A year for change...

Dear Heather,

I spend the last few months of each year deciding what I've done wrong, how I can do better and evaluate how I even survived those moments of despair throughout the year when I was convinced nothing would ever get any easier. During the time of reflection I am grateful, accepting that I clearly did have a productive year, and spend New Year's Eve winding it down with a bang. Every single year I have a ding dong resolution like losing weight, or doing more volunteer work, and every year it works for a little while and slowly sizzles away. Sound familiar?

These last few months of reflection, the entire year really, I've changed so much toward a person I never saw that I could be. It was change for the good, and gradual and slow so that it didn't freak me out and honestly, I barely noticed it was happening. It all set in during my yearly period of reflection and I have to admit that I'm pleased and not threatened by how I've changed. I've always feared becoming "that mom" or "that wife" or "that friend" so much that I lost myself over the past couple of years. I became who I thought I had to become and essentially ran away from my problems by bullying myself. And in doing so, I became "that person". It's taken me a year but I am confident that my mindset has evolved to a point where I can now move forward in 2013 and for years to come.

I've found a fabulous website called marcandangel.com where these two have really got it together. They've graciously shared their advice for practical living for the world and everyone should follow it. I'm going to start following their practical living tips January 1, and I'm going to document it here. One of the challenges is facing fears. So here goes....

Writing is a closet passion of mine. I have tons of books written in my head and I secretly aspire that someone out there will like, no LOVE, what I write. But I'm truly afraid that I would suck at it, and trash that dream every time. It holds me back from doing something I love. So, I'm going to publish my personal journey of growth right here for the world to see. Read it. Like it, or don't.

Welcome, fear.
I'm doing this for me.

Love,
Heather